I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
