I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
