i barfeds in our rink
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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