i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
