Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
