The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
