never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
