I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
