I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
