i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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