every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
