your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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