Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
