This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
