a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
