my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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