i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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