im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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