i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
