I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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