Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize