haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there's paper in my vomit.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i dont even know how to be here
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
