we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
