i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
