I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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