I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize