i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
