If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drive I can fine osifer
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
