No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry about my life...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
