i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
