Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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