i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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