So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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