I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
