I think i peed on brittanys purse
She announced her abortion via fbk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
