I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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