my phone needs a breathalizer
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize