man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
