i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
