You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
