No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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