Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
