I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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