I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
