dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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