Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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