Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm jealous of your bromance
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
