And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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