sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
