I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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