I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
