last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
