i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
