i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bring money and cleavage
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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