You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize