I bet he comes in French.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
