You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
