Screwed.edu
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
