You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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