why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
