My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
