I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
