Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
