Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The adults are the big ones right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
