I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
