Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
