there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
