And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
