i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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