Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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