I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
