I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
