My friends, they love my intelligence
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
