Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
