id be glad to
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
