THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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