how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
