grandma shit on top of the toilet
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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