Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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