I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
