Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
