i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
