I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
